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Memo: John, Our Employee of the Month

On several occasions, my younger sister has asked me to help her “jazz up” memos for her company. Combine that with the fact that I wanted to test a Word Press plug-in for footnotes, and the result is this post which I hope you enjoy. (NOTE: Names have been changed to protect the innocent/accused/insert-your-favorite-adjective-here.)

DATE: SEPTEMBER 6, 2006

MEMORANDUM TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

FROM: THE CFO

SUBJECT: EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH JOHN DOE

If you’ve ever walked through our downstairs office, you’ve most likely received a hearty hello from our new Employee with the Mouth . . . er . . . of the Month winner. Whether you realized it or not, John has be secretly campaigning for this award since his arrival lo, these many moons ago.:”(Anonymous sources [cough] . . . Gina . . . [cough] indicated an arrival dating to the time of Moses.)”: While he hasn’t been here forever:”(Some historians disagree as to the precise “time of Moses.” In fact, empirical evidence points to a gap of several millennia between the aforementioned time period and the hire date in question.)”: , early company records (on decomposing papyri scrolls) remind us that John signed on back in 1994 as a broker. He is now manager of several business units, primarily because we didn’t need anyone handing out yellow smiley stickers to people on their way in the door.

His extraordinary supervisory talents have caused John’s co-workers:”(Uncompensated for their input, mind you.)”: to make such comments as:

    • He is so easy going and great to work with
    • He is always there to help with problems, yet allows employees to work out the problem on their own
    • He is always the first one to say thank you and job well done – and is sincere about it
    • He comes in to work in a cheerful mood that permeates the rest of the office
    • He makes coming into work something to look forward to
    • He asks for input and is willing to discuss ideas
    • He has a bright outlook on life that makes him an exceptional supervisor
    • He’s simply one of the nicest, humblest, most caring guys you’ll ever know

Outside of work, should you encounter John without a dart in one hand and a drink in the other, please check for a pulse, contact local authorities, and immediately begin emergency CPR:”(This just seemed like a good place for an additional footnote.)”: . His condition means that the only responsible Christmas gift last year was a dartboard shot/drinking game, purchased just in the (Saint) nick of time by Sarah and Julie. John is also an avid hunter and fisherman who spends as much time as possible at his cabin, hence the bumper stickers: “If we’re not supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?” and “Will deer hunt for food.”

John and his wife Jane are the parents of three (3) teenagers and at one time applied for federal grant money:”(Later refused on the grounds that while regrettable, the situation was self inflicted.)”: reserved for those experiencing cruel and unusual punishment. In a few short years (and perhaps even now), the currently “misunderstood” Jeff, Mary, and Clarissa will agree with us that John is an astounding parent with a huge heart for his family and friends. These talents and attributes translate into a “one-of-a-kind” manager and an obvious choice for this award.

Please take a minute to congratulate John and to let him know how proud we are to be his colleagues and peers.:”(Seriously folks. We mean it. He rocks.)”:

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