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Men Jokes

My sister-in-law forwards a lot of humor to me via e-mail, and sometimes it makes fun of guys. Since I can take a joke and I’m going to guess that you ladies (who may also be teased at some point in the future) can take a joke too, I’ll share these with you. Some of these actually did make me laugh — a little.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”

“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”

He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he steps out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.

A man and his wife, now in their 60′s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger…Whoosh…immediately he turned ninety!!!

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death.

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

OK, here’s one for the guys:

Walking on the beach one day, a man finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and out comes a genie who promises him three wishes. “But,” says the genie, “whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get two times as much.”

“I want a gigantic mansion on the coast,” wishes the man. Poof, he is standing in a gorgeous house overlooking the ocean, and far away his ex-wife gets one twice as big.

“I want a billion dollars,” he wishes. Poof, his living room is filled with stacks and stacks of money, and his wife receives twice as much.

“And your final wish?” asks the genie.

The man thinks for a few minutes, then smiles and says, “OK, now scare me half to death!”

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